Seriously, My Wife is Dumb!

So, a little while back, I posted an article about being a great wife…not…and I got some comments on how helpful it was.  Fortunately or unfortunately, most of the comments were from the ladies…admitting how they never knew that what they were doing was hurtful to their husbands.  I guess the guys were trying to act all injured and everything and playing “oh poor me, these women are hurtful sometimes...”  Really!  Anyway, I mentioned in that article that, the situation was not a one-way thing and that the guys are also guilty of hurting their spouses. 

You see, I’m beginning to realize that sometimes if you are not very careful it is easy to start playing one-upmanship in your marriage.  You hurt me – so I hurt you, to even the scores.  Truly, sometimes we even do this without realizing it.  It’s just human nature.  It is difficult to let things go sometimes and even without meaning to, we take the very next opportunity to either say something mean or do something mean to pay back the hurt the other person caused. 

So back to case in point….just like a guy’s fragile ego, we women have all these feelings…yes we women, I know some of you think I’m one of the boys, nope, I’m just a big girl, that’s all…but yes, we women have all these feelings that are so easy to mess with.  The unfortunate part of it is that for most times you guys are totally unaware that you’re messing with our feelings, which further exasperates the issues because…we expect you to know!!!  

The following is a list I pulled from an article by Ron Edmondson on “7 Ways a Husband Injures a Wife…Without Even Knowing It”.  Guys please understand that you’d be hurting your wife (and her self-image) if you:

1.       Cut her out of the discussion – When you act as if she isn’t even there or wouldn’t understand what you’re talking about, she feels a part of her is detached. The worst part is if this is done when you are in a group or in front of your boys.

2.       Fail to notice the difference she makes – A woman doesn’t want to be appreciated for only what she does. She wants you to appreciate who she is, but you can admit it – she does a lot. Whether it’s decorating the house or making sure the clothes are clean…or that you have your favorite soap…a woman wants to know what she does is valued by you.  Anytime you treat what she does as a given and fail the appreciate the effort, you hurt her. 

3.      Underestimate the small stuff – You only said “this” but it was “THIS” to her. And it hurts. You may even think it’s funny. She may even laugh. But it is often building a wall of protection around her heart each time you do. The key here is that you can’t talk to her like you might talk to another guy. She hears and feels deeper than you do. Words can and do hurt.

4.      Speak with curtness - When you talk down to her, as if she’s somehow less than you, you bruise her spirit. Deeply! And, you know she’s not less than you…you don’t even think she is…she just can’t tell that sometimes based on your tone and the way you talk to her.

5.      Correct her as she’s talking - This could be finishing her sentences or speaking for her in the company of others. She feels demeaned and devalued when you present her to others as if she can’t compete with you in original thought…which you know isn’t true.

6.      Act suspicious - Don’t misunderstand or misapply this one. When you hide information, even when you think you’re protecting her, you cause her to question your motive. When you protect your calendar…or act like you are upset at the question “What did you do today?” or “What did you talk about?” or “Who was that?” when someone calls, it gives her an eerie feeling something is wrong. And, that hurts.

7.      Admire other women over her – I know it’s okay to be appreciative of the beauties of nature, but she sees you looking. She may even understand your highly visual make-up. It hurts her; however, when a glance becomes a stare…especially when it happens everywhere you go…all the time.

A wife’s heart, no matter how independent or strong she is, is tender in places. Lots of places. She can bruise easily in some areas of her life…especially the places that involve the people she loves the most…like you. A husband who understands this is more careful in how he speaks and responds to her.

So on both ends, we should strive to learn our spouse…and do better…understanding our differences…communicating better…injuring less.   Like I said in the earlier post…I really thought I was a very good wife until I read this articles…the key is to self-evaluate and be honest enough to admit your fault and work harder at it…