Beyoncé is Ruining My Marriage

So the other day, I met this lady who was so mad about how Western influence was so quickly changing our young people and telling them how to look, dress, behave and even talk.  

In her view “all these young men walking around here are being told by the music videos and the movies that it is not wrong for them to expect their wives to look slim and sexy after having two or three children.” 

Sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office, her conversation had been triggered by one of those documentary-like shows about Hollywood and movie stars and what they do in their regular (if it really is) life. 

“Sweetheart...” She continued patronizingly, “when you’ve had two or three kids, it is not easy to be all put together like you are by the end of the day.  It is natural.  The body expands with each pregnancy and you get bigger and bigger as you have more children.”

I nodded sympathetically as she continued her monologue. 

“It is unfortunate that these people continue to make us believe that it is pretty simple to look like you did ten years ago by just jogging and eating properly.  Take this Beyoncé girl…” she continued as the culprit flashed the screen with her chic easy ware, carrying her baby, Blue Ivy, and going for what looked like a stroll.  “…Can she seriously tell me that she gave birth to that child?” she asked.  “If I could do a ‘before’ and ‘after’ piece, you would notice that she hasn't gained an ounce.   Really, why shouldn't I believe the paparazzi when they insinuate that she must have got a surrogate to carry the baby?”  She ended triumphantly. 

By this time, several other women in the waiting room of the mainly gynaecology and paediatric specialist hospital were tuned into the conversation and in full agreement with Mrs. A. 

Another plump woman with a baby spoke up, “And most of these people have personal trainers and lots of staff who take care of their children.  They don’t even breastfeed!”  I nodded and smiled as the conversation continued and died a natural death once the show was over. 

After a while the lady turned, introduced herself and asked of my name.  After, telling Mrs. A my name (by the way, she introduced herself as Mrs. A), she asked if I was a student.  I went on to let her know that I was a worker but currently enrolled in a course. 

After a while she turned to ask which of the specialist I was waiting to see.  She was a bit taken aback when I told her I was there to see the Paediatrician.  I quickly explained that I had come directly from work and that my husband was meeting me there with our kids for their check-up. 

The look of surprise on her face, matched the incredulity in her voice when she asked “how many kids do you have?”

The accusation on her face as I told her about my boys was too much.  You see, unfortunately for Mrs. A, I had just managed to shatter her argument about Hollywood and the ideology of eating your cake and having it.  I am much thinner and trimmer than Beyoncé after two kids, and I definitely do not have a personal trainer and staff to take care of my kids. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I am in no way trying to suggest that it is possible for everyone to maintain their weight and structure after having babies.  I’m definitely not telling the guys that it is okay to think you wife should be able to maintain her physic after ten years of marriage and three children (especially when they go ahead to develop pot-bellies in the same period). 

All I’m saying is that we owe it to ourselves as women to make every effort to keep ourselves fit and look good regardless of how long we’ve been married and how many children we’ve birthed.  We can’t just let ourselves go because we’re busy running around behind the kids.  Trust me, the painted nails, well put together make-up, and the salon visits go a very long way to give you that added confidence that makes you glow and look like a fulfilled woman.  Fortunately for some of us, we have metabolisms that make it easy for us to eat everything and still be thin.  But even that cannot be sustained if you don’t make the added effort. 

So to the Mrs. A’s this is what I suggest:

• ü  Make the time:  Wake up at least 20mins earlier (get an alarm to help) and go jogging or do about 20 – 50 rounds around the house everyday!  It’s also the best time to pray. 
• ü  Make the effort:  Give a little extra attention to yourself.  Check your wardrobe every once in a while and make small additions and adjustments, visit the salon and do something different with your hair.  Just get out of the rut you’re in and do something different.  Be more deliberate about what you eat, where you eat and when you eat!
• ü  Make up:  Take at least two minutes in the mornings and put some powder on your face and gloss on your lips.  It can even be in the car, but trust me, it makes a difference. 
• ü  Make friends:  Most of us ladies close ourselves up during motherhood.  I’m a witness!  We get so sucked in with the daily grind of career, motherhood and everything else that our friendships and relationships are the first to go.  We just don’t have enough time to meet the girls and talk.  Unfortunately that social support is very necessary for keeping our balance and not losing ourselves. 
• ü  Make the Choice:  Trust me; it is more of a health thing than a Western thing.  The general rule is actually true both in Ghana and the USA.  Most women get bigger as they have kids.  There is however another possible and healthier alternative and there are countless women here in Ghana who are keeping in shape and despite having had three or four kids.  And that is the choice they make!

Seriously, I think overtime we have gotten too used to blaming other people, especially the West, for all our problems and misfortunes.  Frankly, the Mrs. A's of the world would be shocked by the transformation they could make, if they started taking a bit of personal responsibility for their actions and inactions.  

And to add pepper to injury, as we got ready to go see the doctor, I turned to Mrs. A and said. “But really, this is the biggest I’ve been in my life…”