Afua Ghana and her Abusive Relationships

Afua comes from a very abusive home.  Her dad verbally and physically abused her and did well to take everything her very rich mom left her.  As a hard working young lady, Afua always bounces back whenever he loots her belongings.  She works hard, makes investments and shore up more whenever she hits rock bottom.  Although she complains, she never openly disobeyed her dad. 

Afua finally met a nice man, smooth, well-educated, experienced and somewhat different.  Wanting to escape her father’s tentacles, she married this young man only to realize that although somewhat different he was also an abuser.  His brand of abuse was more emotional and therefore more subtle than her father’s.  Just like her father, he stole from her but in such a way that she could never see it happening.  Even though her instincts told her he was steeling, she could never prove it. 

Just like her father, her husband verbally abused her, except that it was in such flowery language that she could never realize she was being insulted.  After eight years of suffering the abuse, she finally got the courage and kicked him to the curb.

She went back to a supposedly changed father and within a matter of years, she went through such abuse that she started wondering if her ex-husband was not better.  Her father blatantly stole from her, maltreated her and insulted her for her stupidity in coming back to him. 

Now her ex-husband wants a comeback.  He says he’s changed and that he’s much better than her dad.   He says there is no man who can love her as he would.  He says any of the other guys hanging around her will be worse than her dad and that they do could not protect her from her dad and other bullies.  She thinks he has a point, after all what choice does she have. 

This is our story…the love of Ghanaians for what seems like the only two parties who can ever rule in this country.  I guess like Afua, we think we don’t have much of a choice.  After all, if it is not the NDC or NPP then which of the existing parties can rule us. 

We would rather stay with the abuse than to take a chance with any of the smaller parties… Really, who would we even vote for? 

I’m sure we have all at some point asked why any woman (or man) would stay in an abusive relationship, when the end is pretty obvious.  But then almost all of us have ever known or read of the end of people who chose to stay in such relationships. 

Maybe, like Afua, Ghana will stay in this relationship until we are slowly but surely violently killed one of these day.  Or maybe, we’d be like one of the smart people and cut our losses and leave while it is possible.      

By Hannah Araba Opoku Gyamfi