Araba’s 411: Myths about Infertility

One of the most heartbreaking news any new couple can ever hear is one from a doctor telling them that they cannot have children for one reason or the other.  Most couples even before they get a direct confirmation of this have an inkling and are therefore apprehensive about seeking a doctor to confirm this. 

Unfortunately for us we have a culture that puts enormous pressure on a couple to start “producing” right after the wedding.  For the new bride, people will automatically relate any sickness, tiredness or weight gain to being pregnant.  I remember my mum telling me to hurry up and conceive right after the wedding "otherwise they would use a broom to sweep your womb".  If after the first year your abdomen continues to remain flat the questions and concerns start coming.  If you are lucky most of it will be behind your back or questions to your close friend. 

If after two years, there is no show, then you start getting all the concerned looks, the “we’re praying with you’s” and the “I know a very good doctor or pastor” unsolicited help. 

Unfortunately, its women who bear the brunt of the questioning and the ‘poor her’ judgments whereas the men get all the support as if it is only women who were responsible for conceiving a baby.  And like Maame in my last post, it is very often the women who have to bear the mistreatment, especially from the man’s family when there is no issue and often with no discussion about what the issues are. 

Anyway, I came across a list I’d love to share on some myths related to infertility.  Most of us have at one point or the other even propagated some of these.  And although the research is mainly US based, I am tempted to think they may just apply to our situation as well…

Myth 1: It's easy for most women to get pregnant.

While it's true that many woman conceive without difficulty, more than five million people of childbearing age in the United States -- or one in every 10 couples -- have problems with infertility.

Myth 2: Men don't have infertility problems.

Though it's commonly believed that infertility is a "women's problem," nothing is further from the truth. About 35 percent of all infertility cases treated in the United States are due to a female problem. But 35 percent (an equal number!) can be traced to a male problem, 20 percent to a problem in both partners, and 10 percent to unknown causes.

Myth 3: Infertility is a psychological -- not physical -- problem.

Well-meaning friends and relatives may suggest "infertility is all in your head" or "if you'd stop worrying so much, you'd get pregnant." But in reality, infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system -- and not a psychological disorder.

Myth 4: Couples who "work" hard enough at having a baby will eventually get pregnant.

New methods of diagnosing and treating infertility have improved many couples' chances of having a baby. It's however important to remember that infertility is a medical disease and that problems sometimes remain untreatable -- no matter how hard a couple "works" at solving them.

Myth 5:  Try to conceive for at least one full year before seeing a physician.

While strictly speaking, infertility is defined as one year of unprotected intercourse without conception, many couples should seek diagnostic evaluation and treatment prior to this time. This includes women over age 35 and those with a history of irregular periods, fibroids, endometriosis, pelvic adhesive disease, ectopic pregnancy or recurrent miscarriage. Couples with a male history of surgery, infection or trauma to the genital organs should also be evaluated promptly.

Myth 6: Once a couple adopts a child, the woman will become pregnant.

This particular myth is not only painful for infertile couples to hear, but it's also untrue. First of all, it suggests that adoption is simply a means to an end (a pregnancy), and not, in and of itself, a valid and wonderful way to form a family. Secondly, only about 5 percent of couples who do adopt later become pregnant.

Myth 7: Husbands often leave their wives if they're infertile.

As stated earlier, infertility is a medical condition that affects both men and women equally. In fact, about 40 percent of the time, the male partner is either the sole or contributing cause of infertility.  While many couples do find the process of infertility testing and treatment rigorous, stressful, and intrusive (not to mention costly), they do get through it -- together. Many partners also find new and deeper ways of relating to each other and discover that their marriage has become even stronger.

Myth 8: Infertile couples will never be happy or fulfilled.

Being unable to conceive a much-wanted child (or carry a pregnancy to term) can fill a couple with sadness, grief, anger, despair, and even a sense of personal failure. While it's normal for infertile couples to experience a range of powerful emotions, most people do move through this life crisis successfully and gradually put it into better perspective. For some couples, "moving on" means letting go of their initial dreams of having a baby. Other couples decide to adopt. But in either case, couples do learn that there is life after infertility and find myriad ways to fulfill themselves -- with or without children.

Sources:  Parent.com, Reproductive Resource Center