John Legend Serenaded Me!!!

“That is sooo not true!”  I practically screamed in the crowded restaurant.  I quickly covered my mouth with my napkin and smiled sheepishly at the attention I’d attracted from raising my voice. 

“Sorry” I said to no one in particular and focused my attention on the lovely woman seated across from me. 

“I am not joking Araba, he used to transform our apartment to a romantic getaway with hundreds of candles and flowers for date nights when we got married” she continued earnestly even as I continued to shake my head in disbelieve. 

“Once during our courtship, Kojo sent me roses in all the different colors, some I never knew existed, for two weeks – 14 days non-stop.  They were sent to my office, my apartment and even once to the hotel I was having a conference in in another state.”

“Noooo, Efua, I still can’t believe it! You mean Kojo Sagoe, your stuffy, forgive me, coat wearing, can’t take a joke husband used to send you roses?”

“Yeap!” Efua said, not correcting me on my description of her husband.  “And if you think roses are traditional, try this.  The week he proposed, Kojo Mensah Sagoe sent me different non-traditional floral arrangements every day of the week from Monday, till he popped the question on Sunday.  Chrysanthemums, soapworts, snap dragons, tiger lilies.  Everyday had a theme”

“Araba, he proposed on a hot-air balloon over a picturesque lake.  When I said yes, there were tears in his eyes.  That evening we had a romantic dinner followed by a John Legend concert, where Mr. Legend himself asked us upstage to serenade us with one of his hits at that time.     

“Nooooooooo” I said disbelieving.

“Yeap!  In the first two years of our marriage, he used to surprise me with silly little presents, go walking with me in the evenings after work, go shopping with me and what nots…”

I really could not match the story I was hearing with the man we were talking about.  I was in utter shock to match this man who could freeze you with his eyes if you said something he didn’t think was intelligent. 

Indeed, in all the time I had known the couple, I’d never seen Prof. Sagoe smile.  He was frigidly polite and proper.  As far as I know, there was no romantic bone in his body.  When I had been introduced to his wife by a mutual acquaintance of the couple, I’d been surprised at how warm she was.   

In the year and half since I’d met Efua and become friends with her, I’d often wondered why she had married such a cold man.  In that time, I’d worked on two charity events with Efua Sagoe and had also spent some considerable time around her to know that she was a very intelligent and fun loving.  Although we had gotten close, I’d never found it appropriate to ask her why she married her husband, until today.

We had been working on our next charity event slated for Val’s day and had met for lunch to go through some ideas.  We had been discussing themes that would be appropriate for the season and had started talking romance and then before we knew it we were talking about our own marriages and what qualified as romance.  You can therefore imagine my shock when Efua started talking about how romantic her husband used to be before they got married and within the first two years. 

“In my opinion,” Efua continued “…success, maturity and the position as youngest president of a premium university took the romance out of my marriage.  Although, we were okay financially and he was well on his way to being one of the top goons in the academic arena, it was as if actually attaining the position sucked the life and fun out of him.” Pensively, Efua tried to get me to understand

“You see, with wealth and position in society came a certain responsibility to be proper.  All of a sudden it was as if he had to be serious, less talkative and socially correct to be accepted into the appropriate social circles.  Initially I thought it was a phase that will pass, but I guess with time, I came to accept that this was the new him.”

“Do you ever think you can reclaim the romance in your relationship?” I asked

She was quiet for a while. 

“I’m not sure Araba.  I’m not sure.  I try not to think of it.  These days I kind of think about him as an older brother. And most of the times I’m not sure if I can continue like this…especially when I look back at the pictures from our courtship and remember what it felt like to be so showered with love and be the center of someone’s life…hmmm, I wonder.”

On my way home, her words kept coming back to me.  I wonder.  I wonder how it will feel like to think of my husband as a brother. 

Yikes!!! Not with all the things I want to do with and to him.  There is no way I can think of my husband as a brother. 

Unfortunately, Efua is not alone.  There are too many people who lose the romance in their relationship very quickly.  It is almost as if, marriage signifies the end of all romance and fun in a relationship.  With “I Do” comes less phone calls, no more cute surprises, no spontaneous cards, no long romantic letters and late night walks (to nowhere in particular). 

I recently met a lady who had been holding off her boyfriend of seven years because according to her, once she said yes to marriage and fixed a date, all the attention she was getting now was going to “dry up”.  And as much as my righteous self wanted to protest and tell her how unproductive that kind of thinking was, I kind of thought she had a point. 

Really, my own relationship had suffered a few let downs in the romantic department since my marriage.  And I have too many girlfriends like Efua who have had their husbands totally changed beyond recognition in the time they have been married. 

And although I know I’d get some backlash from most of you guys – the biggest being how much women also change, especially in looks – please take this all important list of some small but romantic things to do this valentine weekend to put back some spark in your relationship…We will also do our bit to look amazing for you. 

Araba’s 411 on Romantic Treats for Her…

1. Go down memory lane with her.  Reenact some particularly romantic episode in your courtship that blew her away. 
2. Go with her on a weekend get-away.  Let her choose the location and make sure you spend some quality time with her.  PS:  Some cute romantic presents would not hurt
3. Write her a long love letter telling her why you love her. 
4. Spend an entire day with her doing whatever she wants to do.  Let her set the schedule for the day
5. Book for a full beauty therapy at a spa and take her to the appointment (please wait and bring her back home)

And oh, by the way…this is my wish list.  If you care to know

Araba Opoku Gyamfi