Daddy’s Big Girl

Most people who have seen me interact with my dad think I am a daddy’s girl.  And for most parts they would be right, although both my dad and I would tell them that there are a couple of my sisters who demand and therefore get more attention from him than I do. 

My relationship with my dad is a very great one.  He pops into my work place quite often to have a chat or lunch or just to share some family gossip.  He drives the very long distance to my house with seedlings (to plant in my backyard), fruits and vegetables and gifts for my boys as often as he can.  He calls to check on us routinely and is especially concerned when there are rains (considering we live in Ghana).  He calls to seek for advice on things from time to time and he’s awfully proud of the person I am and ever ready to boast of his smart and talkative daughter who takes so much after him. 

The amazing thing about my relationship with my dad is that it was not always so.  It is one that has grown and matured into what it is now.  And that growth process is what makes me look at my own life as a parent and say, I need to do more.

Growing up, daddy wasn’t my buddy.  In fact, I sometimes felt I was adopted.  He was often very hard on me.  Authoritative, demanding, restrictive and sat on my happiness (as we say in Ghana). 

Truth be told, I wasn’t an easy child either.  I was talkative, questioning of everything (including his authority), disobedient, recalcitrant, jumping the wall of the house to go out until the wee hours of the night.  I remember daddy decreeing I was to do science in secondary school and making sure I was put in the science class on my first day at school.  I also remember leaving the since class after the lunch break on the first day and finding my way to the English class.  It took the school two terms to locate my records as all my details were logged unto the science class list.  Anyways, this is just to let you in on how much of a trail I was. 

The thing that makes my dad a very special one and which in turns makes our relationship a rather great one, is the fact that my dad has never stayed the same.  He has changed and keeps changing in the course of time.  And it is amazing that he has been able to do this with all nine of his children who are very different in temperament and nature. 

Personally, I can track and mark the major turning points in my relationship with my dad.  And in all those points, he has redefined his relationship towards me and my siblings.  And in that ability to change with the changing times of life, I have observed a lesson I think every dad should learn.   

There are different seasons in a person’s life and in each of those seasons they need their parent in a different mode. 

When we are kids, we need strong and authoritative daddies (well parents really) to instruct and keep us safe.  We need daddies who will be available to pick us up and put us on their shoulders so we can see from a higher height.   We need fathers who can carry us when we are tired and cannot walk any longer.  As kids we also need daddies who will be firm with us both to explain why we should go near the fire and physically pick us up of harm’s way when we still want to experiment (and maybe a little spanking to reinforce the lesson).

When we are teens, we need daddies who can probe and push through our sulkiness with tactfulness and a little craftiness as well.  We need dads who can dazzle us with their own stories and take us out on the town just to hang out and catch up with what is hip.  We need to experience the wild live with daddies who will guide us while allowing us to enjoy life as well.  We need fathers who do not mind a good debate and will challenge us to present our life plans for discussion and inputs. 

As young adults we need daddies who would not be afraid to let us go out and experience life.  We need daddies who will be able to let us make mistakes and cry about it without giving in to the urge to shield us.  And we definitely need daddies who will be willing to let go when the time is right and allow us to start our own lives, without feeling the urge to live their unfulfilled dreams through us. 

As young parents, we need daddies who will be able to talk to us, like peers, respecting the parents we are becoming.  We need fathers who can look us in the face and let us know that although they may be old, there might be things we know that they don’t. 

And we definitely need fathers who will be bold enough to admit that they might have gotten some of the steps mixed up, and they may have made mistakes that we should not make.  And that they would make these confessions, not on their death beds, but while they have to energy to help us become much better than they were. 

And as we get ready to celebrate father’s day, I want to throw a challenge to all the young men and fathers in my life and well to every young man out there.  There is more to being a father than planting your seed and watching it grow.  You will need to nurse it, nurture it, prune it and harvest its fruits. 

I hope that some years down the road, you will have your children celebrate you and most importantly, you will have them tell the world the lessons your role as a father have taught them in live.

Happy Father’s day to y’all!!!